Fuck doing things by the fucking damn rules. Fuck the proper channels. FUCK this. I should have known better. Fuck me. piece of fucking shit.

I don't know why I just thought about this but; I usually enjoy running past people. I love passing slow rollerbladers and bikers, other runners and walkers. If I see another runner up ahead I try to catch them by a certain point along the path. But, I feel really bad passing anyone in a wheelchair. If there is any way around passing them, I do it. I will change my rout in the middle to avoid passing someone in a wheelchair. Everyone else is slow because they choose to be slow (not practice...) people in a wheelchair have no choice.

Sometimes I have to turn up the external music really loud to turn down my internal music.

Holy Fuck. Strange things just seem to happen. Happen a lot. But I need to relax, go with it and see what happens down the line.

You know the feeling that as you get older you are just getting stupider? I feel that way a lot. I think back to high school and even earlier. I was a smart kid, thinking all the time and learning. Now it seems like I could not handle the things I did then. But then, maybe (just so I don't feel so bad) I think it is because I am learning so much more, and know so much more that I feel dumber. Was I in a little world then and seemed to be smarter? Am I in a bigger world now, or am I slacking?

Well, Guess what I got yestrday? NEW HOT SAUCE! (actually Salsa Picante) I was looking forward to lunch all morning so I could try it!

Yea, I like hot sauce.

I think there is a very fine line between being an arrogant asshole, and successful arrogance. I am working on finding that line and becomming very good at sounding important. Most successful people are pretty good at it, and (I hope) I am getting there too. It's like knowing exactily the right moment to remind people that you are "the man" and they really should have already known that.

Have you ever felt like you are so close. So close to something. So close to where you want to be. I feel like I am so close. But maybe so close really means that you are there. Well, you are as close to that imagined utopia as possible in real life. The senerio I am so close to achieving maybe is too perfect. Too perfect to exist in this world...

So close might be there.

I read an entire book based around a sheep. A sheep inside a few people's body. A strange concept but it all made sence. I like that. I want a life where I have to hunt down a sheep inside someone in a remote town in the fall.

On the bright side I now know what it feels like just before your head explodes!

And so, again I have been thinking. So, I am content here, alone, reading and listening to music and working on my website. Happy really. Actually I'm listening to Sinatra (and was while cooking dinner as the light was fading...) So but, here is the question; the ultimate question... You have recently had a girl live with you. You like her, care for her. She likes you, cares for you. There were difficult moments, sure. Needed to be. But which life would you have rather had for the summer. Alone, or with her (alone in general, or with the mystical non-perfect, but real girl figure)

And why, why do I feel this drive to meet "her" and want to spend time with some "her". Societal preassures, and subconsious little nuggets planted over the years?? Or, a real internal desire? And if it is an internal desire, why? To share life with? To share special moments with? But why not just a good friend to share these things with? Could it really be just that instinct to pass on my genes? Have children?

Why do people dislike getting/being wet. Is it because, generally, when a person is wet he gets cold?


Also, I find that I am happier when I don't indulge. Example: I had a great dinner the other night of a fancy sandwich in fancy bread with fresh tomatoes and avocado and a great sauce. But it cost a little more than I like to spend on food, and so I usually do not eat that kind of fancy stuff. So for the next few days it was almost dissapointing to eat my regular meals. The monks were right, happyness is all about managing desire.

It's too bad that all planted seeds aren't guaranteed to grow. But I suppose, that's what helps keep life interesting.

As I sit here about to enjoy my coffee I realize a few things:
If everyday were like this I would not enjoy each as much.
I have no idea why a cup of hot coffee is so comforting, but it is.
I need to get back to the mountains.
I have a lot of shirts.
Mornings are better when you wake-up by your internal alarm.

Well, a hot sause sandwich is not a very good snack.

Guess what I was mistaken for the other day downtown? A tourist!! Yes, the guy with a (one) camera (with a small lense) and a jacket tied to his waste was me. A guy with a bike-ride-service offered Steve and I (similarly attired) ride, you know, to sight-see. That was great. AND, speaking of great, I was honked at the other day for waiting at a red light! (I was with Steve again...hum)

Have you ever thought "Fuck-it I don't feel like changing my pants!"?