The world really revolves around insecurities. It's almost a shame. BUT, knowing this might allow me (us - anyone) to exploit EVERYONE.

It all comes down to who has the best protected insecurities, and the ability to transfer your innate insecurities to those that can be best hidden/protected.

Soon the world will be mine!

The days are long - making the weeks fast.

I'm tired.

I need a day off, but don't want one.

I'm realizing that this "weird" feeling is that of longing. And after only a day or so. Unprecedented...

Most who enter look at the wet dog tied up to something out of my view. It looks sad. I don't know if all wet dogs look inharently sad, or if this dog is truely sad. Hair matted to his body and legs, making him look much smaller than he would when dry.

No. He must be a sad dog. A dog that an angry teenage boy would want to kick as he walks by. The kid who probably plays high school football, wears button down shirts untucked with a baseball hat. A kid who got pissed when he didn't get a Mustang when he turned 16, but will probably get one when he graduates.

I should always be able to make (or simply take) 10 minutes.

I really make myself expect nothing, while expecting everything at the same time.

So I was on TV again today. BUT, I was just talking with someone - and not visably working - (exactily the same as the last few times). I hope my bosses realize that the results justify the means.

Such a quandary I find myself in:
Some times I absolutley can't tolerate not being perfect.
(you can see how this is a problem)

Recently I've actually participated in entertainment oriented activities. The first few hours of one particular event I found myself trying to stay out of the way, wondering why I didn't have any expensive electronic equiptment to keep from getting wet, and feeling like I wasn't working hard enough... But eventaully I had fun, and could have sat there after lunch (the way I remember it) for a long time.

There is such a fine line between so many different things.

I also believe that if everyone knew exactily what I know they'd do the same things as me.

And I've had 2 moments in the last week where I had to withdraw my mind from the situation and tell myself "remember everything that's happening now... what I am feeling, what I'm hearing, What I see... every detail possible"
These moments are rare in my life, but they're as good, and rich, and rewarding as the most amazing moments in any movie or book.

This is great. I am sooo tired that I am having troubles typing (having to go over everything two times to make sure I didn't write "ham" for "am" as I did in the above-mentioned am.

Fucking great. Motor skills are about one of the last things to go. So I now wonder if people can even understand me when I try and talk with them.

But a break is in sight.

Sleep helps.

Fate- if defined as the actions of others (that you can't control but effect your life) - well, I might believe in it. And that just opens a whole new, huge, can of worms (like the size of how big I hope the biggest milkshake ever made (as a publicity stunt and to get into the gueness book of reccords) is/was)


so much more but not enough time...

I've been innondated with support these past few whiles. I really appreciate it, and hope to better show my gratitude after this damn thing is over.

It's times like these when I realize how lucky I am to have so many great life-long friends.

I hope to someday be able to positivley affect your lives as much as you've already done mine.