I'm 15 minutes from headding to the airport for another long week
i'm already tired
but maybe this will pay for the deck.

I've been stolen from, and robbed. worked all weekend for peanuts and am willing to do it all again.

(getting used to the beatings now)

They have been beating me down since forever
and it never gets easier

They have been leaving welts on my back since before I cen remember
and just when the blood dries is when I know to expect it again

I thought I could overtake them
but I'm proving too weak

My spirit is about to break

I still hope for peace
but am starting to accept my place

They must do this to everyone but often I see a huge empty cage
and just when I think it's all in my mind I should expect it again

They have been beating me down since forever
and I don't see an end in sight

I have so little talent,
so little willpower,
so little true ambition

how do they all do it?

As another long trip wraps up I am waiting to eat and sleep. Is it worth it? who knows.

Did I get any better since last year? no.

Does it matter? a little.

Would I do it again next year? probably.

but for now, the only thing I need to think about is today, and tomorrow, and the next week - and maybe two weeks from now (but not next year, yet)

Is it raining anywhere else? because it's fucking pouring here. goddamn fucking pouring.


This literally happened today
Doing Laundry for a 7 day business trip,
burning DVDs so there's room on the laptop,
preparing for a big shoot in Aspen BEFORE I leave,
Realizing there's a leak in the fucking furnace (already dripping into the garage),
Going to HomeDepot & Lowes because NEITHER of them carry a simple fucking cap,
then being dirty in the furnace closet, water dripping everywhere and the phone rings telling me a friends' younger brother just passed away.
Sears is a fuck.
Sears.com is a double fuck piece of shit
washers and dryers won't fit in the laundry room
Bought tickets to a movie for 5 of us at the wrong fucking time

what is my responsibility?
how do I know what I should do?

I mean, is it my fault that I have Thursday and Friday free but not Sat. and Sunday?
either way, I'm a fucking idiot
stretched thin