I really am beginning to think there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with something. godfuckingdamnit

I'm gonna go hunt me a grizzley! maybe with a dagger.



AND things are still terrible. I can't believe that in this stage of the game I am lacking in such fundimental skills. and how did these GAPS never show before? Logical conclusion is the FUCKING GEAR. OK- here it is. I will think over this week about never using that damn thing, and possibly switching all those damn things alltogether.

Terrible fucking time

Sometimes I just don't understand how things work.
I'm very curious.
But apparently I lack the cognative powers OR just need more time.

NO! incorrect.


There's ALWAYS the same ammount of thinking going on inside me. same ammount of mental activity. same ammount of energy.

I don't like having to decide what takes up my mind.
Easier when either fundimental tasks fill me up (getting food, water, personal safety, sleep...)
OR
Easier when bogged down by daily functional tasks (push the button while looking at this, send this to them, drive to there...)

having time to think makes me want to do something not allowing me time to think.

I'm not ready to go again

2 things of equal importance today


1. I'M SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF PEOPLE LYING TO ME

2. some things seem to keep getting better and better, while others remain mediocre. Why is human nature so inclined toward progression?

understanding what one truely wants - rather than what they think they want - helps direct life in a much more fufilling direction

hot damn. I'm embarrassed to have done this, let alone admit it. I played a video game for almost 4 hours yesterday. what the fuck is going on?

Who cares. who the fuck cares. goddamn ridiculous. the whole fucking thing.

well, I seem to have the ability to try and do the write thing BUT end up being wrong and hurtful.

I suppose I should begin trying to do ALL things the MAX POWER way.

I am considering a name change:




MAX POWER




Max Power: Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
Bart: Isn't that the wrong way?
Max Power: Yeah, but faster!


and



Max Power, he's the man,
Whose name you'd love to touch.
But you mustn't touuuuuuuuuuuuuch.
His name sounds good in your ear,
But when you say it,
You mustn't fear!
'Cause his name can said by anyone!

Some days I just don't understand what I am apparently doing wrong.

Adventure

Adventureous

Adventuring!

there cannot be contentment at all times. notfor me. because I like to get better.

don't know where to begin

I don't, that is.

Damn you people - why don't you make an affordable loft that is also cool.
yea


And probably for the first time I was in a competative situation and I was not convinced THEY would do better than me. (I'm not sure if that is the beginnings of confidence, or just temporary stupidity)

I have a new understanding of $2,000.

The skin on my fingers is peeling.