So is this "Busier than a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest... ":

1. a one legged man trying to kick his own ass? ie jumping and kicking back?
2. a one legged man perverbally kicking his own ass? ie trying to do log rolling contest, or the splits, or put on his sock while standing up?
3. a one legged man kicking the ass of another?

Just sent a few emails in "spanish"... hopefully they can read it. Funny how some things ooze out of your mind, like an upturned plastic honey bear with it's tip cut off way too high causing a hole the size of a pin head... you don't see much comming out when you look, but after a few whiles - holy shit, where'd the honey go?

Good quotes from Underworld, by Don DeLillo

"One way a man untrivializes himself is to punch another man in the mouth."

"But how serious can a man be if he doesn't experience a full measure of the appetites and passions of his race, even if only to contain them or direct them, somehow, usefully?"

"I'll tell you what I long for, the days of disarray, when I didn't give a damn or a fuck"

Today two things:

1. Last night after the basketball game, the fans rushed the court (so of course I was in the middle of it all) and almost lost a camera. This must be why I do it, because that was just another day at work.

2. Prints are up at 'Bucks now, and today, for the first time ever, I watched people look at some of my favorite pictures. I was standing next to a woman reading the bio and I enjoyed knowing I am him, and enjoyed that she didn't know I am him.

I get to work today! first paying day of work in 25 days!

So sleep is so wierd... before it last night I was ready to be a manager at a camera store; getting salary, benefits, have a morgage. Sometimes this is such a mental struggle, and why am I doing this???

So I am just now getting over a sickness that kicked my ass. Could be the flu, could be food poisening, could be reaction to Typhoid shot, could be MAD COW DESIESE! just so long as I can function again...

Well, today someone told me no, and didn't believe me. SO, I made a call and tomorrow they'll be offering me what I origionally wanted, food, and a little respect.

OK, so I learned that there is at least one person I can always count on to be reliable, do what needs to be done...

ME. just need to rely on myself.

Well, today I am going to try and stop overthinking to control every outcome and just let what happens come. (I think). But first, I need to do a little planning...

Funnyest thing in a while...
Large Van with the words "America's Workforce Safety" or something similar printed on the side backs up hesitantly.... then crashes into a pole, puts it's wheels on the curb and casually drives off. just great.

So my friendly Starbucks store will be host to a few of my photographs in 2 weeks. Is that a gallery showing? Does that mean I am a Fucking Artist now? Maybe I shouldn't eat for a few days so I can be a Fucking Starving Artist! ha.

so I got a blank book for Christmas yestrday.

You know, I am slowly getting pissed. Hopefully it will last. 3 or 4 days worth. Maybe a month. so just keep on fucking with me.

It is finally time for me to chase new "cheese" (ha, a cheesy book refrence using cheese and cheese; fucking great) Research and damn phone calls.

In one month I will be speaking spanish and chasing boxers!!

Fuck it

Maybe all the selfawareness in the world doesn't result in anything unless there is a driving force - - - a goal to reach toward a purpose for the knowledge

I hoped to write something, to learn something about myself tonight. Hoping to force myself into a self-awareness through isolation. We'll see.

"Do you have a mini-phone plug and a 2 prong power cord?"

Guy- "What are you trying to make?"

Me- "A cord with mini-phone plug on one end and a 2 prong outlet plug on the other"

Guy- "What's for?"

Me "A cord with a mini-phone plug and a 2 prong outlet plug."

I don't have to be a photographer. I wouldn't die, the world won't stop, and eventually I would be able to eat... maybe even better than now.

I want to believe that the world is more than a game. To the people who matter - or should matter - in my life; it shouldn't be a game. It should be real, authentic. But, the more time passes, the more interactions and failures leads me to believe that it's all just a big game. You win more often when you realize you're playing.