I am going to try and focus things a little bit. Focus my thinking. Direction. I need direction damnit.

Conflicts.

Personal happyness (short-term vs long-term)
Becomming a better person (for my own benefit vs to benefit others)
Greed
Desire for companionship, intimate connections

It seems as if all of these things are in constant competition for my attention, and maybe until just now I've never looked up - and tried to see the whole picture. There may be more driving forces but for now these are what I am atempting to understand.

And it is just now evident that I could spend a full day writing/thinking about just the conflict between short-term and long-term happyness.
• Do I listen to music as loud as I want now OR do I keep it at a moderate level so I can enjoy music and people's voices when I'm 80?
• Do I spend my money now on cds, coffee, trips, expensive food, cars... or do I save untill I'm older, or when I "need" if for something? (and even now complexities arise as this becomes GREED)
•Do I drink a bottle of wine with lunch

So almost w/o consious consideration I have developed a compromise. Is it a healthy compromise? Who knows (healthy physically, healthy mentally...)