I’m not going to quit. Can’t quit now. More coffee, then we’ll get down to business.
OK, I just got more than I asked for! Good, but bad. Good and bad. Too much thinking leads me to these conclusions; but nothing is new except for the realization of this condition. However, this constant overthinking keeps me (generally) away from problems. Well, no - - - actually not away from problems entirely, but away from hazards that I am aware of, but it also puts me into hazards when my reasoning determines that the trouble or possible potential consequences of the hazard are either beneficial in the long-run, or might be the best overall solution to the problem in question. And also, constant hyper-vigilant reasoning can’t protect me from unknown hazards or negative subconscious drives; actually, it probably forces me into these situations. Fucking brilliant of my damn sub-conscious to do this to me. Consciously I think and think about the situation until I am confident in the absolute correct direction - - the best path - - but then it turns out to only seem the best path. Seem to me even during and possibly after I walked it. BUT inside me it isn’t, and only leads to a situation that produces more opportunity to think. To think and occupy my mind so I can’t get at the thing that is detrimental. So it knows that if I am not thinking about something it cooked up for me I will begin to think about it - - and how to fix the fundimental problems … the core of the troubling hyper-vigilance and IT. Wow. But why? Why does it exist… and why does it need to be there? And why? and why? and why?