I think that maybe I did an ok job this afternoon, and I don’t even want anyone to know. Maybe because I did it for me. Maybe because I wasn’t trying to prove anything, just relaxing and doing the best I could. I am going to try the same approach tomorrow. Must not try to succeed based on the fear of failing. Fear is so motivational, but again another destructive force from the inside that is hard to differentiate from positive motivational forces. Fear keeps me from taking the risks I think would make my life a better tale.
Observation: I would have to pay a lot of money to have Cable TV.
Maybe the best times in my life were when I wasn’t ruled by fear. Could fear be the reason for my constant overthinking. Maybe. But also, maybe not necesicrly. Thinking and reasoning has lead me to the opportunities to not be guided by fear, and to be in the places where IF I chose to not let fear rule the amazing moments happen. So the balance is important. But how to know the exact right amount of every little element. How do I know when to not let fear guide me. I know. I must know, and it seems as if intuition leads me down the correct path; it’s just up to my APPERCEPTION to deturmine the possible outcomes and the probability of making another amazing moment in this situation. So maybe I’m doing ok. Just need to put myself in more situations where the circumstances are conducive to loosing fears and being free. Or maybe I’m full of shit. Scared, and justifying keeping my wall of fears so as to not make me have to do anything difficult, or different, or uncomfterable.
After all, nothing is unsurmountable except death – really. And it might be uncomftrable, might induce cognative dissonance, but except in death, life will go on. And like everyone says (and it seems as if few people actually practice what they preach) you only regret the things you don’t do.
But you can’t do EVERYTHING… can’t have a family and spend time with them and spend time in the war zones and write a novel and paint a painting and read to the blind and feed the poor and learn Arabic and re-read The Catcher in the Rye and see the Pyramids.
So I type all of this, type and type and type. And it looks like there is more typing ahead.
Observation: I would have to pay a lot of money to have Cable TV.
Maybe the best times in my life were when I wasn’t ruled by fear. Could fear be the reason for my constant overthinking. Maybe. But also, maybe not necesicrly. Thinking and reasoning has lead me to the opportunities to not be guided by fear, and to be in the places where IF I chose to not let fear rule the amazing moments happen. So the balance is important. But how to know the exact right amount of every little element. How do I know when to not let fear guide me. I know. I must know, and it seems as if intuition leads me down the correct path; it’s just up to my APPERCEPTION to deturmine the possible outcomes and the probability of making another amazing moment in this situation. So maybe I’m doing ok. Just need to put myself in more situations where the circumstances are conducive to loosing fears and being free. Or maybe I’m full of shit. Scared, and justifying keeping my wall of fears so as to not make me have to do anything difficult, or different, or uncomfterable.
After all, nothing is unsurmountable except death – really. And it might be uncomftrable, might induce cognative dissonance, but except in death, life will go on. And like everyone says (and it seems as if few people actually practice what they preach) you only regret the things you don’t do.
But you can’t do EVERYTHING… can’t have a family and spend time with them and spend time in the war zones and write a novel and paint a painting and read to the blind and feed the poor and learn Arabic and re-read The Catcher in the Rye and see the Pyramids.
So I type all of this, type and type and type. And it looks like there is more typing ahead.
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